Terrible Intercourse in Silicon Valley

Singular person believes this really is going really.

Pic: HBO

No less than Peter Thiel features known as sparkling heart of The united states’s technology sector a
totally sexless place.
But folks carry out indeed get laid in Silicon Valley, once the program

Silicon Valley

recently dramatized. After a lot more than three conditions of present in a sexless, screen-filled hell, bumbling programmer Richard Hendricks at long last had intercourse: an illicit tryst along with his major customer’s fiancée, in an office convention space, late into the evening.

But as

Silicon Valley

is our very own the majority of honest, precise portrayal of life among the list of coders, Richard didn’t appear an intimate dynamo. He may have ultimately surely got to carry out intercourse on an income respiration lady, but there is no postcoital radiance. “Worst gender I had,” states Liz, the girl he mauled along with his elbows. Additionally: “How many times performed our teeth clink?” Additionally: “Whenever I got my personal fill up, you truly stated your message ‘Gulp.'”

Was actually this depiction of angled, awkward, passionless sex truthful? The Cut questioned females to express their particular experiences asleep with men in Valley, to find out whether Richard Hendricks’s sexual initiatives seemed par the course, worse than something they would actually ever skilled, or, gulp, better.

Silicon Valley

experts, please steal these for next season.

“Gyno-style clinical exploration”

In older times, I dated a professional just who appeared well-socialized sufficient … but by the point we had gotten right down to company, it absolutely was obvious I might have offered him extreme credit score rating.

We had kissed prior to and it also wasn’t great, but I was prepared to provide it with the second go, figuring the novice nervousness may have obtained in how. NOPE. Within a few minutes his language ended up being windshield-wiping my personal top teeth and testing out my gag reflexes via some intense throat pokes. Next emerged the arms. Left hand grabbed remaining boob. Company squeeze. Right hand reached for right boob, squeeze. (He did involve some health training … thus perhaps he thought bust tests secretly activated females?)

After he previously repeated this tongue/hands combination once or twice, unexpectedly: hands toward vagina. Not for clit-caressing and/or like … it was some gyno-style clinical research.

I stop this immediately, and attempted to approach it as a teachable time, but after talking/a couple of even more attempts, he voiced which he in fact preferred their technical intimate method, therefore we parted ways.

“the guy asked myself if I would shower early”

My personal terrible gender tale with a technology bro was like getting together with the Keenan character from Silicon Valley. He had been really baffled as to why he wasn’t getting exactly what he desired, precisely at that moment! It wasn’t about real intercourse — we did not get that much — a whole lot as his need earlier. He had been one of those brawny start up higher-ups exactly who absolutely becomes countless women accomplish exactly what he wants. I found myself primarily from the day with him because he was hot. I went house or apartment with him and then he asked me basically would BATHE in advance, just as if that were more normal part of the world. I happened to be some surprised but had been polite about it — simply said that did not change myself on and I did not actually want to get my personal locks moist and was that really a deal-breaker for him? In which he was like, “it is unusual, I never had a female work very insulted from this request. Do you want to severely maybe not do this?” Not dangerous, just really flummoxed like no-one had actually refused him everything before.

In the course of time I managed to get visibly annoyed and then he don’t react, merely kind of like shrugged their arms and said, “that is my personal bottom line, i’m very sorry about this.” Timeless tech-bro entitlement. And so I kept. Its a famous tale among my pals.

“free of charge condoms from work”

There is that one man from Bing who doesn’t buy condoms. He preferred taking the complimentary condoms from work. And indeed — there were blue, environmentally friendly, orange, and reddish people, the same as Google’s marketing.

“it absolutely was as well weird”

I happened to be residing San Francisco and met this guy on some dating site — we connected regularly for about half a year. He was the Chief Executive Officer of a gaming start-up. He had this very nice loft in S.F., which I would check out on a regular basis, and he also held a moment apartment in New York. If we wound up in ny in addition. Thus I went house or apartment with him.

We walk-in and it has the exact same home furniture as their san francisco bay area apartment. Everything. Equivalent rug, the exact same strange dining-table workbench. It actually was too strange.

We wouldn’t rest together. I became like, “I’ll have actually a glass of drinking water,” and that I remaining.

“we-all sync up the Google calendars”

I would personally split a lot of qualified males into two camps: (1) tech/pornsearch engine bros that are brilliant but lack emotional awareness, and (2) counterculture hipsters seeking include you to their particular polyamorous scenarios and NOT interested in conventional relationships.

We went out with a large technical professional for somewhat over annually — extremely brilliant, Ph.D. in pc technology, etc. In addition, had never been in a serious commitment longer than ten several months. Oh, in which he had never really had sex with any individual prior to. But somehow, extremely into cosplay! I believe like he had been into every costume under the sun … professor/student, handyman/housewife, football player/ref … not to mention


, obviously!

The polyamorous people We have somewhat less persistence for, because it’s normally under the guise of being entirely renewable And Anti-Mainstream Because No One Provides ever before accomplished This Before fine? In addition a great deal scheduling! We went on some times with men whom made an effort to push polyamory on me personally (which is diverse from a straightforward available connection, because it indicates several simultaneous connections). He really lost me personally at, “Well, most of us sync up our Google calendars” bit. Not sensuous!

“becoming jackhammered”

I do believe

Silicon Valley

is actually spot-on. I believe most likely the very nerdy dudes — like maybe not the brogrammers, the very nerdy guys — are just actually awkward during sex. I have invested 10 years surviving in the Valley — I reside in san francisco bay area now — so I’ve slept using my great amount. This isn’t like one or two men; this can be a lot of them. They don’t really choose to change it upwards. Its like the same thing over and over again — the same place, exact same regimen, exact same activity. There can be this entire, like, “Wow, am I getting put?” attitude during intercourse. I do believe the most common solution to describe intercourse with a Silicon Valley engineer has been jackhammered. That’s what it is. It’s not sex. I am not sure what this really is but it is not gender. And they’re thus happy with on their own afterward, I can’t actually say anything mean.

“in which’d the guy go???”

I found myself recently setting up with a “friend” in tech that is type abysmal at communication. He’d already been taking place on me right after which only puts a stop to cool and walks out the bed room home. I am experiencing really shameful and self-conscious — similar,

In which’d he go???

And then I listen to a wrapper being unwrapped. He is only, like, was presented with in this passionate moment to put a condom on without saying ANY SUCH THING. I simply cannot think about becoming so awkward/bad at interaction that you’dn’t resemble, “Hey, must I get a condom?” instead of just practically walking out in the exact middle of foreplay to go place it, specifically because this will be the first time we had gender therefore understood both pretty much. Didn’t end me from asleep with him once again (whoops).

“Multiple-orgasms great”

Honestly the actual only real technology guy we ever installed with was … fantastic. Multiple-orgasms great. However, I should keep in mind that he was small rather than that good and obsessed with their cat.